Want better sex? Try making love first
In their short e-book, “How to Make Love All the Time and Enjoy Sex Too”, Ph.D. professors Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt explore how “making love” is actually a prelude to “having sex.” When “making love” is focused on enhancing the relationship (or rekindling romance), it’s more likely that enjoyable sex will occur.
And as much as “enjoyable sex” is sought after, even expected (especially in the early days of a relationship), it is often hard to come by. Harville and Helen report that in their vast experience of counseling couples, about 60% need help with their sexual complaints and frustrations.
Do any of these Sexual Complaints sound like something you or your partner frequently express?
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- “ You Never Seem to Want to Make Love”
- “You Take So Long.”
- “You Never Ask.”
- “You Don’t Like the Way I Do It.”
- “We Only Have Sex When You Want It.”
- “You’re Not Interested in My Satisfaction.”
- “You Never Want Intimacy…You Just Want Sex.”
- “You Want Sex All the Time.”
- “After We Make Love, You Just Toll Over and Go to Sleep.”
- “You Have No Imagination.”
11 Practical Strategies to Improve Your Sex Life
If any of these difficulties speak to you, Harville and Helen have offered eleven practical strategies to help “put the Zip back in Sex.” Taking time to work through any of these strategies will begin to create the change needed to replace complaints with new behaviors.
They go on to share that addressing sexual complaints is only part of what is needed to move to that state of “making love all the time.” Other steps are needed to help focus on deepening the level of intimacy so that couples will exhibit loving behaviors toward each other more often than not.
The Best Exercises for Creating More Intimacy and ‘Yummy’ Feelings With Your Partner
They share an exercise inspired by psychologist, Richard Stuart, and further developed in their clinical practice called “Caring Behaviors.” Ken and I have used this exercise in our Magic of Safe Conversations Workshop and in our own relationship and highly recommend it as a way to instill positive behaviors which can open the way for more “yummy” feelings between you and your partner.
Harville and Helen also take it several steps further with their “Surprise List” and the “Fun List” – all wonderful and engaging ways to Re-Romanize your relationship.
So, we recommend to grab your partner, sit down together and begin following this simple and explicit guide offering an exploration of ways to put some zip back in the bedroom.
